I am reading Paths to God : Living the Bhagavad Gita by Ram Dass. On reading Ram Dass recall a story about his Guru, Maharajji, an immense indeterminate longing arises within me. The feeling contains a deep, heart-rending longing for liberation, an a sublime ecstatic knowledge that “Yes! It is possible for this liberation to occur!”. It’s a powerful current, rippling through my whole body. I want to open my heart to God and prostrate myself upon the floor, in wordless prayer.
As I look up, on some level I am seeing Ram Dass before me. He is there and he is not. Tears flow, and somehow I feel ashamed, unworthy. I know I have done regrettable things in my life, and my heart is wide open for all to see. There is great release with the tears, they begin flowing unstoppably, and I am sobbing in ecstasy, shame and longing. Pouring out my heart with all its contents, sublime and despicable.
After this, I see Ram Dass one more time, and this time, I feel a radiant warmth in my heart, which precedes deep peace and silence within me.