Journal Entry - 29th April

Meditation is becoming a love affair. Today I woke at sunrise, and read a few pages related to sacrifice in the Bhagavad Gita. To sacrifice one’s own spark of a soul into God’s fire. I feel the desire to sacrifice myself, as though sacrificing myself for a loved one. I rise, wash, stretch, kneel for pranayama and then enter meditation. Or meditation enters me. There is love, bliss abundant. Then I lie resting, stunned and joyous, listening to the spring morning’s birdsong as sunlight filters through my window.

Journal Entry - 25th April

Crystal clarity as each of my perceptions is blissfully alive. I’m resting in a deep silence, intoxicated with peace. I’m stepping off the bus and walking down 5th avenue, it’s a cool, dry morning and the sky is blanketed with a layer of cloud. Christine passes through my mind, I see her face, and love rises in my heart like an electrical current. I feel my eyes moisten. There is a sadness there, a knowledge that this may not be forever.


There seems to be less and less in my mind these days. It’s as though all the background noise and subconscious waste is being emptied, and each moment is clearer.

Journal Entry - 24th April

I am reading Paths to God : Living the Bhagavad Gita by Ram Dass. On reading Ram Dass recall a story about his Guru, Maharajji, an immense indeterminate longing arises within me. The feeling contains a deep, heart-rending longing for liberation, an a sublime ecstatic knowledge that “Yes! It is possible for this liberation to occur!”. It’s a powerful current, rippling through my whole body. I want to open my heart to God and prostrate myself upon the floor, in wordless prayer.


As I look up, on some level I am seeing Ram Dass before me. He is there and he is not. Tears flow, and somehow I feel ashamed, unworthy. I know I have done regrettable things in my life, and my heart is wide open for all to see. There is great release with the tears, they begin flowing unstoppably, and I am sobbing in ecstasy, shame and longing. Pouring out my heart with all its contents, sublime and despicable.

After this, I see Ram Dass one more time, and this time, I feel a radiant warmth in my heart, which precedes deep peace and silence within me.

This too shall pass

‎"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." --Rabindranath Tagor


He once resisted his emotions

He longed for happiness

He clung to it

Storms arose in his heart

He longed for happiness

He resisted them

Now the sky is beautiful

Whether a storm is passing

Or the sun shines resplendent

He no longer cares.

Journal Entry - 17th April

Experiences: I slept extremely poorly on Friday night after drinking a smoothie with a lot of coffee in it. The next day I went to Essential Therapy to spend a few hours in the steam room, and then doing yoga in the sauna. It rained heavily. I experienced great feelings of bliss, but also some sense of overload. I went for a long jog in the rain which helped. On sunday, I felt very happy. But I began to feel disatisfied with my use of time. I stayed inside for a good chunk of the day playing computer games. It felt like a waste of time.

Adversities and challenges: I felt a great deal of negative emotions coming to the surface as a result of intense meditation. I relaxed and allowed myself to feel these fully. I felt an anger against an individual who rudely asked me to leave a gratuity. I walked out and did not return, but found my anger melting into love, and wishing her well, as I explained to her in my mind, without anger, why I felt her service was poor and my reason for not leaving a gratuity. It was a slight epiphany as I realised you can be strong and assertive, behaving as you see fit, not always as others want you to behave, but in a way that is still loving and kind. Final adversity was the slight sense of poor time use due to playing computer games for hours. In response to this I meditation asking for guidance, and the idea of beginning this journal arose.

Attachment and Suffering

"Everytime you are unhappy you have added something to reality" - Anthony Mello.

I have noticed that every time I am unhappy, there is some desire, some attachment, which is not being fulfilled. I willingly allow the entire experience of unhappiness, including my frustrated desire to be happy. Given time, and compassionate awareness, soon the unhappiness fades, leaving behind the realisation that it was my desire or attachment itself that caused the unhappiness, not the external circumstance which precipitated it.

Techniques for Spiritual Transformation

Spiritual Transformation

Practises to aid and accelerate spiritual transformation. They key to all these practises is consistency to take what you read here, and work out how you will integrate the practises until they become part of your habitual daily routine.

• Internal submission and emotional processing. Allow yourself to fully experience each and every negative emotion that you feel. Submit to it totally. Close your eyes and allow yourself to breathe into the emotion. Stay completely present with the emotion. Set aside 15 – 20 minutes to do this, particularly when you are experiencing a strong emotion. Notice than when suffering is taking place, there is always a keen desire that is not being fulfilled, a desire for things to be other than they are.
• Who am I? Ask yourself throughout the day "Who is perceiving this?". "Who is perceiving the air rising in and out of my lungs?". "Who is perceiving the thoughts running through my mind?". "Who am I?" This is a spiritual practise that yields a gradual effect, it will not happen overnight.
• Spinning. Raise each of your arms. Spin counterclockwise, from left to right. Start slowly, pick up speed towards the middle, and slow down towards the end. Spin full circle twelve times, with your visual focus on your right hand. Repeat 3 sets of this activity. This increases circulation of the blood, increase the rate at which your chakras are spinning and heightens the amount of energy running through your body.
• Replace a meal with a green smoothie. I recommend one banana, one kiwi, a large handful of spinach, a small handful of fresh mint, a small handful of parsley blended together with some unsweetened soy or coconut milk. A green smoothie is full of vital nutrients and antioxidants, and is very easy to digest. On an energy level, the greens are full of life energy. When the body does not have to use all its energy in the process of digestion, you accelerate the energy available for higher spiritual processes. This technique produces a great increase in mental clarity, improvement in mood and feelings of joy, heightened energy levels and general feeling of well-being.
• Physical postures and breathing exercises. Work out a 5 or 10 minute yoga routine which you perform every morning or evening. This will help the health of the body, and the flow of energy through the body.
• Service. Engage in activities which give you the opportunity to help others.
• Transmutation of Sexual Energy. Whenever you the feel the sexual urge, take a moment to sit, and breathe the energy up the spine and into your head. Breath in, and feel the energy rise, allow this to bring you to an ecstatic state. Then sit and peacefully breathe with the energy. Avoid losing sexual fluids, and instead channel the energy up your spine.
• Frustrated desire. Whenever your desire is frustrated in some way, and you feel a negative emotion as a result, this is an opportunity for spiritual transformation. Allow yourself to sit quietly, breathing deeply into the emotion, noticing how you may wish to change it in some way.